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Two Sides of Me 2017

Even my sweetheart Ginger straightens me up as my lean to the right revisits me in moments of fatigue. Or perhaps the lean is always there throughout my hours of dancing. With all my awareness and my dancing there are clearly two sides to my movement and distinct sensations. Perhaps my feeling of having to direct every new learned movement is correct times two.

Today I will honor two different worlds. On my left is the world of steadiness, a whole sensation throughout. There is vague sense of having to hold on, a clue from Rachel Meador that my left foot was always gripping the floor as if I were going to fall to the left. On my right is the world of collapse, yielding somehow to a deep sensation of trauma.

There is a reluctance to both sides that do not want to be stirred. One Feldenkreis session with Matt Williams ended with his observation that he had to bypass lots of resistance, find alternate routes to move my legs.

I did not pursue the sessions out of a fear to face the ache I would find there from previous trauma. The reluctance is still there, aches not wanting to be touched but the rewards of movement call too strongly to resist.

So today I enter the delight of the dance with a bit of caution. I know that the echoes from past traumas will ache to not be stirred. Or perhaps they will gladly yield to movement as they want to do.

The image that will replace my caution is two versions of the wave down and the wave up, the rising and falling at the core of a dancer’s awareness. On my left I will introduce a spongy loosening of the firmness. The emphasis will be on the downward wave. For my right side I will introduce a springy playful emphasis on the upward wave.

As I move, the sensations are both very distinct. My left side seems to be in new territory, having to release in new ways to feel the downward wave. My right is likewise a little unsure like it has always relied on having a buddy leading on the left.

I explore the double helix image differently for each side. On the left, I shape the image as collapsing vertically to allow a spongy quality to the movement. For my right, the shape is the rising buoyant nature of the rotating double helix. The quality of springy is a continuous upward feeling.

The images come and go from my awareness giving me the clue that either I do not want to go there or I need to allow the image to work outside my awareness to go past the fear. I gently bring the images back and observe. I will have to repeat this experience many times to get a read on what is actually happening.

My movement on the other hand is very demonstrative. My ankles give way and respond to my arches in very fluid ways. My movement is more sweeping and my looping floor patterns are surprising. I welcome all the movement and notice the ending of phrases going into twists that engage the rotation from hip, through the mid back to the opposite shoulder.

I follow this rotation as I build awareness in turns that move forward into the cross body twist and then into a backward version of the twist for the opposite side of the turn. The 360 degree quality in my body is very satisfying.

Moving side to side I engage the rotation in the Dancer’s Diaphragm under the arms while sensing the rotation in the opposite hip,leg, and feet. My hope is that these movements will give me more awareness and access to the leaning into my right side.

More sessions will tell. I can integrate the experience at the end of the rotations and even feel the echoes of trauma in my hip. Standing still afterwards causes me to avoid the sensations. Perhaps in another session a portabrae will help.
Tim Hurst 12/30/17

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Healing Proceeds

Spinning with slower double helix for sensation to the outer edges of the pelvic diaphragm.
Connection of double helix to Dancers Diaphragm and to Cranial Platform and top vertebra.

Healing is proceeding slowly. Pain goes away with movement but infection still nags me.

I realize that healing is not dependent on my step by step process. Healing has to do with my clarity of asking, recognizing, and accepting the signs and responses necessary for healing. I have to ask myself to wake up to that process and not wish my actions were the cure.

Secondly, I think my image of the double helix is very powerful and my vision of interlocking bands may be too forceful. Changing the double helix to rays of light open my perspective to a broader view and an enlivening one.
Tim Hurst 12/10/17

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Enter Healing States

Today I am challenged by my illness and my body wants to lay down and cry. Everything wants to tense around the internal hurt of a compromised bladder.

As usual I begin to move and immediately shift to a dance state. How are all those grungy feelings erased? They change as I raise and lower through my entire body and as I rotate around my spine in every possible variation.

My focus shifts between my whole body with all its emotion and specific areas like the pelvic diaphragm that alternately expands and lifts. I use a simple pressure point on the side of each hip to encourage this movement.

Then I shift the double helix image into vertical and horizontal placements to keep a gentle rotation going while I focus on the nurture of specific areas.

In healing, I have to keep reminding myself to receive signals as much as I send them. My eyes are the best teachers for receiving, releasing, and refreshing myself. The eyes naturally receive images except we direct and focus our eyes to match our desire to push toward more.

When I relax my eyes and slowly follow a hand or follow a tilt of my spine, I experience a refreshed lift in my attention and in my hope for the next moment. Then as I allow my eyes to circle in an opposite direction from my facing palms, the movement is calm and releasing to the muscles of my eyes and to my breath.

The healing state is one of receiving strength, hope, care, and joy. I experience the dance state as a methodical process of entering the healing state.
Tim Hurst 12/08/17

An explanatory view.
I enter Healing states to experience movement as agile, supple, and supportive to my entire body. The basic principle of connecting body and brain is to move slowly. Signals with in my body will move at lightning speed yet my attention is on slowing everything down. Slower means more integration of healing signals and more ability to receive healing signals.

Whether I use the defined center spine movement of Ballet, the counter rotations of Tai Chi and Chi Gong, or the spinning of the child and the Sufi, I enter a healing state.

For me this is a dance state trained to access every section of the body horizontal and vertical. The dance state interconnects all the body sections while setting up networks of signals between them.

Especially for healing it is important to not only build connections but be able to receive signals through those connections. Instead of pushing the body with a singular focus, it becomes important to receive strength, to receive the warnings and the care offered, and receiving the joy that comes from entering the dance state.

The moment I begin dancing I feel my emotion and body join. I anticipate the next movement, the next insight as a precious surprise to be nurtured and shaped. My hope is to respond to the calls for help and for celebration from every aspect of myself.
Tim Hurst 12/08/17

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Dance of Repair

Today my dance is a gentle rendering of my care for an infection in my bladder.

Lifting my pelvic diaphragm frees my bladder to float or at least in my minds eye. Those lifting signals are received at the Dancer’s Diaphragm floating the shoulder blades and the Lats under my arms. A network of signals is established, sending returning signals back to the pelvic region and to the bladder.

Shaping and reshaping a double helix image begins an internal rotation that engages the edges of the torso between the two diaphragms. I twist my torso to engage the kidney area and free the entire spine to move together.

I reform the two double helix from each hip crossing the torso to the Lats under my arms. With each rotation the movement generates from the internal rotation rather than a directed outer image of the body. My focus is freed internal sensation plus the image of the double helix always in rotation itself,
Tim Hurst 12/06/17

I have allowed my intense work schedule to take precedence over high blood pressure and now weaknesses in my bladder area are showing the results.

What I know is the beauty of my dances as renderings of my care for myself. My attention shifts easily through each connection in my self. I can picture and build movement to and from the damaged areas of my bladder. A recognizable exhale and full inhale are signs of connections made.

Yet I have pushed myself beyond the place of simple repair and I have to acknowledge the blood pressure must be dealt with. Hopefully I can return to more rest, shorter work hours, more dancing and walking, and this will assist in my healing.

My desire is not to have to push my body to respond with antibiotics, surgery, and medicinal blockers of my heart activity.

This mornings dance is a recognition of the vital connections of cranial areas including the brain to every part of my nervous system, my muscular control centers and support networks.

My spine responds by recognizing the tension caused by this new stress from the bladder. Allowing and following the free movement of my spine is key to not allowing spasms to occur from unattended tensions around the spine.

I am vulnerable and asking all the questions of myself and my creator of how a repair process is possible.
Tim Hurst. 12/07/17