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Assessment May2017

I can only guess that all my study and writing is an attempt to summarize my own life process. So I hope I can take a look at my broad picture.

The Physical
“You are leaning to the right.” “You are twisted. Your right hip goes forward and the right side of your ribs protrude outwards.” “Everything at the bottom of your rib cage shifts to the left and your head and shoulders lean to the right.”

The Mental
Some kind of split occurred very early between my right and left side. Everything I do is either all from feeling and reflected from metaphor or I control it with planned thought and force.

The Results
Memory is mostly feeling based. To remember physical patterns or even directions at a stop light, I have to consciously reconstruct a thought process of how I got to my present moment and how to move from there.

Vulnerability is a given. I throw myself into activity with only feeling markers and an acceptance of ambiguity. All research and planning is a separate realm for reference and reflection.

Physical adjustments, therapy, and instruction to remedy my physical splits and torques have proved to be only temporary and do not translate into awareness. Conscious and continuous attention do not hold for long as my feeling state takes over.

My personal attitude bounces from anger and concentrated force to total acceptance and patience. When I take on a new skill, my projected time for learning is years not months.

My Remedy
Music and dance have been my preferred study since they insist that I integrate both feeling and physical states. Through both, I discover how to initiate and follow the process of learning and expressing myself.

Every moment is an experiment to integrate my feeling and metaphorical states with my conscious directed thought and movement processes. I live in an improvisational world. Music and dance improvisation are my play and my study.

Meditation and prayer bring me to a state of hope and anticipation to continue improvisation when planning, control, and force do not work. Since I get lost in feeling states, combining movement and singing with meditation and prayer is a natural process. Luckily many people have explored this realm in spiritual rituals and I have delved into many of them.

My thought processes go immediately to metaphor so poetry and automatic writing have been a tool to explore my states of awareness. I discovered that writing is a way to observe my states of awareness and also to connect with artists engaged in similar exploration. I began to combine automatic writing with observing dance.

My Perspective
Hope is a constant. Everything is in flux and I can make small adjustments and daily routines to manage the flux in ways that are encouraging.

Gratitude and awe are essential to receiving and applying every insight that comes from dancing and singing.

Daily repetition is constant play with the many variations that music and dance offer. My goal is to encourage myself with the curiosity of new approaches each moment.

I take advantage of melodic phrases in dancing and singing to build awareness of the depth of my personal experience.

I observe the variations of each dancer and musician and share my observations to encourage them and to express my appreciation for the insights they bring me.
Tim Hurst 05/26/17