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Healing My Trauma

My experiment today is to explore an area in my cranium that began healing in a CranioSacral Therapy with Maria Scotchell yesterday. I reexperienced an injury at birth when the physician used forceps to reposition me in the womb.

The two areas that I sense now are under my right ear and at the top left quadrant of my head. I began moving by bobbing the base of my skull around the top Atlas vertebra of my spine. My movement felt restricted. For whatever reason, I felt myself in open space.

Placing my hands gently on these two areas, I moved my head side to side. And then I entered a familiar experience when I allow my movement to follow any path it seems to follow. These pathways are usually what I know as the smallest curves becoming circles and spirals and loops. The movement is continuous and gently shifting toward every direction, rising and falling into any position or orientation.

These areas of experience are ones I have avoided or limited my awareness. To go into this memory obviously has created resistance in me because I now feel a reluctance to continue.

However, the free flow of curving motion is bringing me to an awareness of this entire complex experience and allowing me to release it. This may be a process I will repeat over time or maybe I will allow myself to decriminalize the sensations and memories involved.

The word decriminalize just came out of me. I may have been avoiding the experience by directing blame on myself. This reminds me of the experience of football players with head injuries who direct violence on themselves and others. What a process we assign ourselves!

Yet here it is. a movement that allowed me to accept and go past the experience. It is here that I ask if this free flow of motion in every direction and dimension is basic process of life. Am I replicating the movement within every cell?

Of course life is beyond the smallness of my system. After all it is my brain body coalition that says, “Stop. Do not go further.” Within the tussle of myself is the desire to both withhold from life and completely burn myself up with life’s energy.

I lay down for a nap in this, my early morning play. The sensation of falling through space brought out more questions. Unspeakable images of malleable shifts went beyond my simple concept of pathways and lines and circles. Continual responsiveness. Beyond yearning and resisting. Beyond my thought of a moving body. Beyond floating and malleability.

Within the experience is a knowing of personal response and receptivity. My inability to conceive this vastness and the complete interconnection of everything translates into an experience of personal care and a regeneration of life.
Tim Hurst 09/02/17