Now look here. I went to see this show called April Fools. OK so I was exhausted but I knew I could not miss this show. When you get to be my age, you don’t go to just any show, but this show it was tap dancing so I had to go see it, you know what I mean.
Well when I got there it was a Vaudeville, like a circus show, a carnival with one of those questionable Master of Ceremonies, you know what I mean. When you get to be my age, you’ve seen everything. I remember my grandfather took me to a tiny circus and he spent a very long time in a fortune teller’s tent. But that is another story.
So you see here. I was very happy to be there with the Vaudeville because they are kind of cartoon characters up there and of course you have to start with the juggler lady who jiggled real good, made me laugh so hard and she could juggle too.
All the old characters were there, that Maurice guy from France I think it was him, and Mickey from the early days, and Charlie with those inquisitive eyes, and shades of the guy with the big nose, and of course Sammie charmed us and made us stop yelling so loud for a minute or two.
Of course when you get to be my age you see those old singers and tappers sticking their heads around every corner. The guy sitting next to me is a real good tapper and he would call out those old names, maybe it was Bonnie or Honey or something.
But what a guy my age sees mostly is the angels dropping down in between and on top of some of these characters. So you see, these angels talk to me, right, and they say, “Don’t miss this life. Don’t miss a minute of it.” So well OK, I can’t go to sleep so I don’t miss a split second of this two hour April Fools show.
There was the lady pickpocket character and she was in love with Sammie, you could just tell. But I’ve got to say there were two characters that were very hard to play. The pretty girl was perfect but it is very hard to play the pretty girl. Even in real life it is very hard to play the pretty girl because you got to cover up so much hurt down there somewhere. You know what I mean, how do you play all the parts that are covered up down there?
The exception to that rule is when you hobble two beauties together and they tap dance together like you have never seen and well its like twins grinning beyond cute. So then you don’t have to have two dimensions, you just have to have cute and cute.
Well the other part that is hard to play is the Mama. Everyone knows that the Mother is always wrong, right? Never can do anything right for having somebody yell at her, that’s the Mama. Well, how do you play a cartoon character of that? Enough said on that.
Well I have to say that at my age I have to be grumpy about something so I do have one complaint. They let me and my wife in even at our age, and they kept us laughing until we cried, greasing every minute with million mile an hour tapping. And you know about tap dancing with all those quick stops and trick red lights. It’s hard on the heart. It’s like when you get ready to go through a door and the green light says go and then the door slams shut. Light says go, oops gotta stop. Light says go go go, whoa wait a minute. Then light really says go now go oh oh uh oh. Then finally light says yes yes now go oh go oh oh oh ahhhhh. Well the whole show was like that with more excitement that one heart can take.
And well back to my complaint, after all that, they didn’t provide any free stretcher service to get us out of the place. Now what do you think of that?
So what do I have to say about this April Fools show? Well, I have to ask you this. Do you want to shimmy back through every rip roaring Vaudeville act you have never seen? Do you want to tango through the back streets of Buenos Aires? Do you want to ride on top of the smoothest, gutsiest, the funniest, the most sentimental rhythms you have ever felt?
Well, if you do, what are you waiting for? Call them up, these Tapestry people and you tell them I told you to tell them, “I’ll be right over.” And you know with these Vaudeville types you can’t take no for an answer. You tell them what I told you. You tell them, “I’ll be right over.” Then you ask them in one of those rhetorical tones, “You do this Vaudeville thing every night, right?” You ask them that. And then you say, “Hold the curtain.” No don’t say that. You better say, “Hold me a seat.” They’ll understand what you mean.
Tapestry’s April Fools, 4/1/12, By Tim Hurst